One Almost 'Perfect' Day at the Gym

Not too long ago, I got pulled into signing up for a personal trainer at my gym. So apart from going broke to broker, I was also going to subject my extremely unfit body to inhuman unholy torture (the kind that’s worse than water boarding, yes that one).

My first two sessions were with two different male trainers one of whom was pretty good, we did some simple arm and lower back weight training – piece of cake. The second one made me work on my lower body, again not a biggie but I think he took my lack of fatigue as a sign to push me hard and started going all boot camp on me. The result? My calves couldn’t support me for the next three days, rendering my lower body completely incapacitated.

Third session, enter female trainer(am always happy to meet someone my height – don’t ask me why) cute, petite, athletic built, super toned, perfect curves, basically the only thing I really had in common with her was my height. Pleasantries done and we began our session, she made me wear this awfully heavy life vest looking thing and wore one herself just so I am not the only one looking like a freak. I was so glad that she revealed to me that it weighed fifteen freaking pounds at the end of our session and not before otherwise it would have taken two or more people to shove me into it.

Anyhow, we started our 30 minute complete body resistance training; fancy words for the shortest way to painfully killing yourself. I thought that I had experienced pain earlier but this? this pain was out of the ordinary, this was an out of body experience. It forced me to think that she probably had me confused for someone who is training for a body building competition. Halfway through and I thought that I was literally going to die and the last person I would be seeing is her instead of my husband and family. I had sweat pouring into my eyes, burning and stinging them but I couldn’t wipe it off because my hands had a death grip on the resistance band pulling what seemed like a thousand pounds.

She did give me a couple of water breaks and I kid you not when I say this, I contemplated running out of there during the second one and I should have if I knew what was to follow. In the dying moments of my session I stopped, and begged her to take that vest off me which during the course of the session, had made me feel like Atlas, carrying the weight of the world. She, very sweetly refused and egged me to finish up the set after which I was going to be done. Done? As in what? As in dead? Left without a choice, I pushed myself and completed that last, excruciatingly painful set and got a big pat on my back from her as soon as i got done. I honestly thought that I deserved a big platter of strawberry cheesecake instead.

We walked over to the trainer desk and she entered in the details of my session into the computer while I caught my breath and sipped on my water. Regardless of my near death experience minutes ago, I still proceeded to ask her if in the future she would be free at an earlier time to train with me and this is what transpired thereafter:

Female trainer: “I can’t come in any sooner, I am still nursing my 3 year old and I can only manage this time frame”

Me: “ Whoaaaaa, you a mother??? Of a 3 year old?!?!?!”

Female trainer: “Oh no, not 3 year old, I have a 3 MONTH old baby”

*Stood there for a good 10 seconds with my mouth wide open, speechless*

Me: “Wow, that is just unbelievable, why am I even trying to get into shape, what chance do I have? I mean just look at you, you’ve just had a baby and you look fantastic, I can never ever do that. I think that I should just throw in the towel now and go home and continue lying on my couch till death comes for me, blah blah……”

Female trainer (cutting me short): “haha, don’t be silly, you will get into shape…”

I said some incoherent stuff in return and the next thing I recollect was some guy peeling me off the floor asking me if I am ok. Yes, people, I had blacked out, right there in front of God alone knows how many people working out, entering/leaving the gym or just walking about.

And just to be clear my passing out was NOT a reaction to finding out that my perfect figured trainer had just recently birthed a baby. I mean yeah I am a drama queen but I really do try not to over react :) And yes, Cartoon Network, get your story straight- there are no stars and no birds flying around your head in circles when you faint; you feel queasy, weak, lose vision and hearing and collapse, that’s it.

But I digress, so there I was, being helped to a nearby chair and this guy letting my trainer know that her client had just passed out. Yup, she hadn’t even noticed that I wasn’t standing behind the desk anymore!

She promptly came to my aid, helped me stay conscious all the while rapidly fanning me with a book. She was asking me to pay attention to what she was asking me to do to feel better and all I was thinking was “Oh my God did I just pass out in a gym full of people? How many people that? Nahh, maybe not too many… but then wouldn't that depend on how long I was lying on the floor for? Oh wait who was the guy who saw me and picked me up? I can’t seem to remember. Did he or someone else see my ‘fainting face’, Oh God I must have drooled, maybe with a lazy lower lip; there is no elegant way of fainting! Oh God why did this have.…” I was rudely jerked out of my trance like state mixed with feelings of nausea and sheer humiliation by a hasty client summoning my trainer to begin her session.

To replace her came an all too familiar face, one of my earlier male trainers-the calves mutilation one, I could just about gather up the strength to groan – Oh great, more embarrassment. He, in the midst of stifling his laugh (oh yes he was laughing at me) took me to a lesser populated area of the gym and helped me get some strength back and was nice enough to offer me a trashcan if the need to expel my insides arose.

Normalcy reinstated and we walked out of there - I did stop to ask “Please, please tell me that someone else has fainted during/after training before, that I am not the first?” I don’t know how much truth there was in his response but he did reply in the affirmative, that there have been a few cases like me. And you know what, I will take his word for it because it is imperative that an unembarrassed me returns to the gym like nothing happened and continues with her training and puts bizarre thoughts like seeing her mug shot plastered on their wall captioned ‘potential lawsuit- maintain distance from this lady’ to rest.

Needless to say, this was one of the most mortifying moments (knowing my luck there will be many more to come) of my life and instead of keeping it to myself I chose to write about it and not just that, but also post it on the internet. I guess that that incident has left me a little more cuckoo than normal :)

Inveterate Materialism and Us

"An attitude to life which seeks fulfillment in the single minded pursuit of wealth- in short, materialism- does not fit in this world, because it contains within itself no limiting principle, while the environment in which it is placed in is strictly limited."

- Charles Edwards

I am pretty sure that I am not venturing into uncharted territory here, there might be a myriad of articles on this topic, but as a victim of materialism, here are my two cents on the subject.

Materialism has become a way of life, something which has slowly consumed our society over the years and will continue to do so. Something that is not going to fade away. Ever.

I would like to make a quick distinction here, I am not referring to consumerism which is essentially the theory that a progressively greater consumption of goods is economically beneficial (although the recent surge in ‘blind’ consumerism ruffles my feathers – but we’ll save that discussion for another time) but what I am talking about is acquisitiveness: the preoccupation with worldly possessions, material comforts and considerations and the belief that all these constitute the greatest good and highest value in life.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with possessing nice things if you can afford them, or if you have been saving up for them. But what bothers me is the absurd infatuation with owning things you simply can’t afford or shouldn’t be buying and doing so only to establish your position in society, just so people think of you differently and possibly treat you in a special way. It is appalling to know that there are some people out there who measure their success solely based on what tangible belongings they own.

I am not saying that you should dress in rags or live in a shabby house or lead an uncomfortable life just to prove to the world that you are not money oriented, but one should try to make an effort to strike that ever elusive balance (isn't that what we try to do every day of our lives?) between the two extremes. That human contact and working on relationships matter more than getting your hands on the latest couture line of Yves Saint Laurent.

It’s a shame that we live in a world where first impressions are better established by the brand of clothing you have on, the handbag/briefcase you carry, the car you drive or the watch adorning your wrist rather than by what and how you speak and interact with people.

I see and hear about young girls(pre teens, teens and sometimes even the twenty somethings) these days going to extreme and dangerous lengths to acquire the latest in fashion and technology, just so they can ‘fit into’ their friend circle. What would you advise them? That they need new friends? Would they risk losing a cooler gang’s acceptance and plummet into the ‘nerdy/loser’ gang thus becoming a social pariah? The answer is no – there is no middle ground as such in that age– you are either labeled as a cool person or not, period.

Perhaps we can blame their mental maturity or attribute their behavior to the age they are living in or blame the media for misleading them, but as mature older adults, what is our excuse?

Sure, you can hide those dark circles (owing to sleepless restless nights where even prescription sleeping meds fail the unhappy you) behind those limited edition Gucci sunglasses, but, will lying down next to your Alexander McQueen outfit or even hugging your Louboutins on lonely nights provide you with a sense of fulfillment?

Yes, materialism has us by its teeth; it is so deep rooted in our systems that it’s almost impossible to escape it, especially in this day and age. But, can we not prevent it from getting the better of us?

We are the ones responsible for creating this monster, so can we not find ways to resist succumbing to it?

I believe that it is the decisions we make at the various crossroads in our lives and the principles and moral values we live by that define us as individuals. That in itself is the stepping stone in trying to overcome this barmy race to acquire materialistic possessions. To mold and cement our future as happier and more content individuals, we need to relentlessly make those rational conscious and subconscious choices and every so often listen to that tiny voice in our head that differentiates the things that we need from the things that we want.

Writing and Me

I love to read more than to write, frankly speaking I would make a lousy writer because I tend to ramble, am not an organized thinker, not very articulate and I most certainly don’t have the gift of the language like writers do.

So why am I writing then?

I was (quite literally if I may add) told the other day to go get a hobby(or was it to get a life? I cant seem to remember :)) To do something that would benefit me as a person, help me understand myself (sometimes), overcome my ‘readers’ block – really miss reading books:(, escape from my life’s stagnancy and sink into a time capsule where I can just be me. No fear of judgment and no rules.

This morning I find myself dusting off that thick layer of grime settled on my blog (that I had created eons back) and attempting to write my first post which sounds less like one and more like a game plan or a task list– Ahhh, just one of the ways of the corporate world that has been subconsciously ingrained in me!

I have some wonderful writer friends and acquaintances, works/blogs of whom I love to read and to follow and I greatly admire their work. The one most important thing that I can take away from their writing is to write with sincerity – your work being a reflection of your voice and your voice only.

In the coming months I expect to practice the art of writing and to get better at it so when I look back on this very post I should cringe with embarrassment and smile with nostalgia.

Two things that I would hate to project in my forthcoming blog posts:

• Sound like a pseudo intellectual (and they are a ubiquitous kind!). I am not an intellectual; this blog is an extension of me. My audience is me and anyone who is interested in reading my blog.
• Sound condescending to anything or anyone: including me - I hope never to plunge into a rant of self abomination OR self praise but in the same token I have also heard of “never say never” :)

Note to self: Aim to not cross the fine line between critiquing and slandering.

Hoping that writing helps me achieve some sort of fulfillment, helps me hit that pause button on life zipping by each day and finally helps me to gain an understanding of a really not so complicated me.

"Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them"

- Nathaniel Hawthorne